Saturday, April 25, 2009

chiness sexs


A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.

When finished, the Chinese runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and commences a repeat performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter.

When finished, the Chinese jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times.

During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they were done she jumps up, goes to the window, and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed,...and......finds four Chinese men


Nudist Colony !

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander the grounds. A gorgeous, petite woman walks by and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Sir, did you call for me?"
The mans replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, " You must be new here, let me explain. It`s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continued to explore the colony`s facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within a few minutes a huge, horrible, fat, hairy man lumbered out of the steam towards him and asks, "Did you call for me?"
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer."You must be new here", says the fat man."It is a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The fat man spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where his greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist.
"May I help you?" she asks.
The man yells, "Here is my membership card; you can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee...!!!
"But sir", she replies, you`ve only been here for a few hours; you haven`t even had the chance to see all of our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I`m 58 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day...!!!


The fu*#king chocolate!

A little old lady walks into a Baskin Robbins. She looks around for a while, and then says to the man behind the counter "I`ll take a quart of chocolate.".
The man replies " I`m sorry Madam but we are all out of chocolate, if you look around I`m sure you will find something else that you like."
The old lady says "okay" so she looks around and says "I`ll have a pint of chocolate Ice Cream."
The man behind the counter replies "I`m sorry Madam but we are all out of chocolate ice cream, I`m sure if you look around I`m sure you`ll find something else that you would like."
So the little old lady looks around and says "okay I`ll have a scoop of chocolate ice cream on a sugar cone"
The man behind the counter is boiling mad by this point, but manages to keep his cool and not yell at the little old lady. He then asks her "Can you spell the word straw in strawberry?".
The old lady said "YES".
The man then asked her "Can you spell the word van in vanilla?"
The old lady once again said "YES".
The man then replied "Can you spell the word FUCK in chocolate?"
The old lady looks a little puzzled and then replies "there is no fuck in chocolate.".


Condom Sizing



Harry noticed he was running low on rubbers, so he stopped by the local drugstore.

"What size?" asked the blonde pharmacist's assistant sweetly.

When he admitted he wasn't sure of his size. The blonde led him into the back room, lifted her skirt and told him to enter her. He was delighted to oblige. "Size six," she told him after a moment. "Now, take it out. How many?"

Harry bought a dozen, and on his way home, he ran into his friend Tom. Harry eagerly told Tom the whole story.

Tom rushed down to the drugstore to place on order, "But I'm afraid I don't know my size," he told the sales girl.

So the blonde led him in to the back room and repeated the procedure. "Size seven, Sir. Now take it out please. How many?"

But Tom kept on going until he was done. "None, thanks," he told her, zipping up his pants and grinning. "I just came in for a fitting."


Sexual Overdrive


A young couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to get somewhat passionate. They decided to pull over and park and have some fun.

Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window. The cop could hardly contain himself.

"Didn't you know that you are not suppose to be having sex in public?" he asked the couple.

Being embarrassed at being caught said yes and apologized.

"Well, he said, I will have to write you a ticket."

So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behaviour. After getting dressed the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for.

He responded, "Doing 69 in a 35 mph speed zone!

Speech Therapy


A graduate student in speech therapy had two days to cure her patients of their stutters. She came to a therapy session in a revealing outfit and offered a blow job to anyone who could pronounce the name of the city in which they were born without stuttering.

The first man stood up and said, "B-b-b-b-b-b-Boston."

Dejected, he shook his head and sat back down. The next guy stood and said, "Ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-Cleveland."

He slapped his thigh in frustration and sat back down. The third guy stood and without hesitation said, "Miami."

The student fell to her knees and began performing oral sex on the man. After finishing, she looked up and said, "What do you have to say now?"

He replied, "B-b-b-b-b-Beach."



Gay's Gift!

Two gays are going at it. After they finish, one turns to the other and says, "Hey, I feel something in my ass ... see if you can feel anything."
So his friend puts his finger in his ass and feels around.
"I don't feel anything", the friend says. So the first guy says, "No deeper...I'm sure I feel something".
So the friend put his hand in the guys ass and feels around.
"I'm telling you there is nothing there" says the friend. "No really", the guys says, "I can feel it, look deeper."
So the friend puts his whole arm in the guys ass and is feeling around when he touches something.
"Hey, I found something," says the friend.
"Well take it out," says the guy.
The friend pulls his hand out of the guys ass, looks at it and see's it is a Rolex.
The guy starts singin, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you......"

The varying sizes!

A man went into a drug store and asked the cashier for some rubbers.
The cashier asked, "What size?"
The man replied, "Size? I didn`t know they came in sizes."
"Yes, they do," she said. "What size do you want?"
"Well, gee, I don`t know." the man answered.
The lady was used to this, so she told him to go to the backyard and measure himself by sticking his penis into each of the three holes in the fence. While the man is back there, the lady sneaks around to the other side of the fence and spread her legs behind each hole as the man tested it.
When the they returned, the cashier asked, "What will it be? Small, medium, or large?"
The man replied, "To heck with the rubbers! Give me a hundred feet of that fence back there!"



A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you. I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean that you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
He says nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, I do."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, and whacked him over the head with a frying pan and said, "Don't you dare complain about the taste of my cooking ever again!"


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